we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
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