When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
