so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
