I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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