Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
