I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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