is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
