you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize