they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
