Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
