Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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