You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
