I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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