Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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