Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
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