i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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