Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
