I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
