sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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