I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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