Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
