Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
