u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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