we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
