erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
