So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Randomize
