as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
