doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
