even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize