Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
