i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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