I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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