Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
