I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
