I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
