I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Oh god it's open bar.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
