Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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