he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Hippo gnu deer
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
