Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
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