the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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