You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cut my penus on the lid.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
