omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I love you. Go after that dick
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