Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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