I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
