it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
