Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
