Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
