I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
