I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
