Sry I called you an 8
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
