dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Your dad touched me again.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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