I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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