I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
