apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
