How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
