I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
