First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
