im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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