one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
