I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
