i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
