Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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