dude i'm inner monologue high
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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