Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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