Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
