bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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