hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
