i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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