everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He? As in you personified your dick?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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