no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
