My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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