She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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