I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
