We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
