Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
