I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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