How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
