I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
