Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
