I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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