i need an iv and a liver transplant
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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